To My Mom Who Chose Drugs, I've Done It All Without You

Mom, despite any effort you may have once tried to put in to fight your addiction – in the end, you chose drugs. Not only that, you chose a life where your daughters don’t exist anymore. You distanced yourself, you lost your mind. You’re so far gone, I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. But the saddest reality of all is, I have still somehow done it all without you. 

I Learned How To Grow Up. I navigated my way through my teenage years into adulthood. I managed to make friends, grow as a person, and learn a lot about myself along the way. I discovered I could get help for my anxiety. I figured out that with a lot of hard work and dedication, you can achieve your goals. I realized who I am and the strength within me. I grew up so quickly, and you missed it all.

I Figured My Shit Out, Despite Being Lost. I never felt like I had anything figured out, and I never had you to turn to for advice or support. But nevertheless, I overcame all of the odds. I figured my shit out, despite being lost for so long. I figured out what I wanted in this life, how to achieve it, and how to strive to be the best possible version of myself.

I Found A Career And A Way To Continue My Education. I may not have much, but what I do have, I’ve used to give myself an education. I, through a lot of trial-and-error, have found a career path that I am successfully walking down. I have managed to go beyond what I ever imagined I could do, and am furthering my education and my professional-self - something you never taught me or showed me how to do. Something you’ll never get to share with me on my journey.

I Got Through Heartbreaks. Whenever I have failed, I endured the heartbreak. Whether I gave my heart to someone else and they broke it, or if I had my heart set on a certain goal and it didn’t work out, I was left to pick up the pieces on my own. You weren’t there to guide me or provide me with the love I needed to help bring myself back together. I survived the heartbreaks on my own.

I Found Love. I finally found my person. I found someone who is kind, loving, supportive, and caring. Someone who makes life better in the best possible ways you can imagine. I found a love that you’ll never get to see blossom. A love that you’ve never known, and won’t get to celebrate with me. I have a love who accepts me for who I am, and knows very much about the ghost you have become in my life and how it weighs heavily on my mind. Even then, he’s right by my side through it all.

I Made It Through Dark Times. I’ve had low points, I’ve had moments where I let my anxiety get the best of me. My mind has wandered into dark places – but I’m still here. I made it through some of the darkest times, sometimes with the help from friends and loved ones, and other times, solely on my own. I’m still standing and I’m still fighting for my happiness. I’ve made it through it all so far, the good, and the bad. And I’ve done it all, without you.